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[crabbmarche]

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SPY ⬤ Team Fortress 2
residential district ⬤ level 2

moonblessing ⬤ Cordis (Exalted; Kitsune)

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[spah]

[And now, apropos of nothing:]

So is Tom Jones still dead?

[crabbmarche]

...What?

JUST ONE TAGBACK FOR NOW I promise

[spah]

I know he died a couple days before we showed up here. But NOW everybody's tellin' me he's still alive. Now I know a newspaper headline ain't ever an COMPLETE confirmation of a man's death, and I get that alternate dimensions are a thing around here, but...

[stop him before he starts rambling because he's confused as fuck]

[crabbmarche]

[Honestly, Spy would've let him ramble. News like this needs some processing time. Eventually, however, he comes to his senses.]

Dell. Dell! What do you mean, he's dead?

[spah]

Wh--

[Said with all the incredulity of you don't know??]

Yeah, he's dead! 'Bout... three days before we got here? Murdered, I guess. By that Meramus fella - or Soldier. I ain't pieced that part together.

[The papers said Merasmus but he's pretty sure nobody but Soldier could snap vertebrae in half that cleanly.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy goes very, very quiet for a very, very long time. There's a mild clattering like he's set the phone down.

And then, distantly, and with the help of the translation service of the comm:]

SON OF A BITCH!

[More clattering as he picks the phone up again, and there's a cold, shamed fury in his voice.]

Dell. I have something to confess. I expect your full judgment.

[spah]

[






wow

okay

he's done something here]

I'm listenin'.

[crabbmarche]

[Hoo boy. It's never been easy for Spy to admit he's made a mistake, and this is on his personal list of Biggest Fuck-Ups. But still, he sighs, some of the anger ]

When Jeremy - when Scout was dying, I tried to do the right thing. I tried to tell him. But I... I couldn't. Not as myself.

[You can probably see where this is going.]

So I... utilized my disguise kit outside of its intended purpose.

[spah]

[you WHAT

Now it's Engineer's turn to be quiet. There's a moment where he actually brings the device away from him, and runs his hand over his voice.]

Spy...

[He brings it back. If you wanted his full judgement, you got it, because he's judging you. One thousand percent.]

You did WHAT now?

[crabbmarche]

I... disguised myself. As Tom Jones.

[Yup.

Time to deflect.]

On that note, did you know Scout has a Sex Bomb tattoo? The artist misspelled 'bomb' with only one 'b'.

[spah]

Are you a goddang idiot?

[crabbmarche]

I panicked! I was in the midst of being temporarily robbed of all of my blood, shot in the knee, and nearly hung! And newspapers are quite scarce in the lost country of New Zealand!

...Besides. I told you already, Scout died from his injuries. I did not expect him to come back.

[spah]

Look, I know you're BOTH denser than a black hole, but he's gonna work that out eventually! Assumin' the man's still dead!

[look he normally doesn't get involved in your shit decisions as a father but buddy this is a WHOLE NEW LOW he has to marvel at

also, key word: eventually, because Scout's still an idiot

there's a very, VERY long exhale on the other end]

When the hell'd you get robbed of ALL your blood, anyway?

[crabbmarche]

You've met Scout. He will probably believe Tom Jones is his father until the day he dies for good.

[Too far? Maybe a little, but despite Spy literally saying Engie was free to criticize, he's starting to get a little defensive. It's hard to take accountability!!

Spy sighs as well, away from the phone but still somewhat audible. He'll be happy to change the subject now.]

Robots. A massive army of them set on us by one of the enemy mercenaries. I would have stayed dead were it not for our Medic's timely intervention.

[Don't make him talk about the blood-mopping underwear thing.]

[spah]

Jesus, spook.

[Engie could call him stupid but he literally just did. He already knew Scout would believe it, too, and now he knows where the kid gets it from.

Then again, it might not even matter, if Tom Jones is alive and well and still making music in some other dimension.]

I ain't even surprised.

[At... well, pretty much all of that. He sounds very tired now. Maybe grateful that he doesn't have underwear-adjacent blood going through him, if he knew.]

[crabbmarche]

[Spy doesn't respond for a long time.]

I did say I expected your full judgement.

[YOU SURE DID, SPY.]

Either way, to answer your original question, I was not aware that Tom Jones was dead. But with the number of people here and what I've seen of them, I would not be surprised that there are differences between their experiences and ours.

[spah]

Yup. I'm judgin' you, alright.

[SIGH]

Guess that'd solve your problem.

[crabbmarche]

In a way, I suppose it does.

[Ohh he's getting curt now. Surprised Pikachu over telling someone to judge him and then getting offended at the judgment.]

If that answers your question, I will speak to you later.

[And he just fucking. Hangs up.]

[spah]

[damn bitch ok]